thank you for watching Thank you for joining us Please relax in glorious Hollywood California I’m tired I didn’t get much sleep last night Uh I was I read all 64,000 pages of the JFK files last night Turns out he was murdered I would imagine that the conspiracy crowd is none too pleased today I’m not sure we learned anything from these documents other than the names and social security numbers of government workers many of whom are still alive and about to find out what it’s like to have their identity stolen But who cares right trump said no redactions so no redactions These files appear to support the widely held belief that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone There’s no evidence of a second gunman which means Ted Cruz’s father’s off the hook that storm All Trump did really was make a big mess Really these are basically the same files Biden released two years ago But these were totally disorganized Apparently Trump surprised his people with this National security officials had to pull an allnighter after Dopey announced on Monday that he would release the files the next day Suddenly they had 24 hours to get it together And they did get it Great hustle guys And hey now that we know how fast you are let’s see those Epstein files you promised I mean I bet I mean I’m not a betting man but I would bet they’ll take time to make redactions from those The files I have I want to see released have nothing to do with J The files I want to see are related to a conspiracy that I’ve been following since 2019 involving an imaginary college that only seems to come to life at this time of the year The widespread hoax known as Gonzaga University is once again going to the NCAA college basketball tournament despite any shred of evidence that a school exists They claim it’s up in Spokane Washington I’ve seen no evidence of it Go to Google search Gonzaga All you’ll get are basketball videos It is an imaginary school they made up to win basketball games and they’re all in on it This is from the local news up there And this will show you the lengths these people will go to to keep this charade afloat The Bulldogs are going to the NCAA tournament They found out yesterday on selection Sunday that they’ll be traveling to Witchah Kansas as an eighth seed to take on Georgia All right Now first of all that video was shot in 1984 There’s no way that woman was on TV this week That was recorded on a a Betamax in the 80s That lady’s 80 90 years old now So they dig up this video They shot who knows when And then they go live to the Spokane airport Well traveling can be stressful for anybody That’s why we took some time to do a little bit of the homework for the people at home who might find themselves in lines later We know it’s empty now but probably in lines later in the week heading to Witchita to watch the Zags Oh wow Look at everyone gathering There’s no one in line because no one goes to the school There are no alumni There are no students And we’re falling for it again Can you believe this GMO we sent you up there a few years ago You investigated this And what did you learn it’s not real Jimmy It is not real Not real That’s right You know what is real unfortunately measles The reported case of measles in Texas and New Mexico now stands at more than 300 That’s more measles than we had all of last year And we’re only halfway through March Hm What is it that changed from this year to last it’s hard to put a finger on but at least 15 states have been hit by the outbreak We even had two people here in LA diagnosed with measles And um guess what they’re here with us tonight Guys where are you please stand up and take a bow There they are That’s What are your names i’m Luke Uhhuh I’m Teddy Luke and Teddy How are you guys feeling not too good Did the doctor tell you it’s okay to be in crowds he did not Okay Well we’re happy to have you here anyway If you want to say hello to some of your people you’re sitting next to go right ahead Yeah there you [Applause] I mean hug if you like That’s Luke and Teddy Everybody the measles twin you know between measles Donald Trump Elon Musk and this NCAA tournament this might be the mattest march we’ve ever had There have been several incidents of people who are upset with Elon Musk vandalizing Teslas and Tesla dealerships This incident happened just outside San Diego This is what Tesla employees in Ensenita saw when they arrived to work today The vandalism is too graphic to show in its entirety We blurred out the swastika on this white Tesla as well as the f-word on two different windows in front of the dealership Okay Well it seems like maybe the guy who’s in charge of blurring the bad words missed They took a slightly offensive word scum and made it into a very offensive word Well done Several Teslas have had swastikas painted on them And not only is that vandalism it is also a violation of Kanye’s trademark and has to stop There have even been incidents of arson Someone lit a bunch of Teslas on fire And here’s the thing I get that people are upset Burning a car might not be great for the environment I don’t think that’s what they had in mind when they invented the electric car In Las Vegas yesterday someone threw a Molotov cocktail at a Tesla service center At least five Teslas blew up one from the Molotov and four because that’s just what Teslas do sometimes And no one should be setting fires You could kill somebody you could hurt somebody Elon Musk might not care about other people but decent Americans should The world’s richest man has been uh trying to drum up sympathy for himself lately His sales are down his stock is down Last night he was somber as he went through this with Sean Hannity Tesla is a peaceful company We’ve never done anything harmful Um I’ve never done anything awful I’ve only done productive things So uh I think we just have uh a deranged It’s there’s there’s some kind of mental illness thing going on here cuz this doesn’t make any sense Well let me see if I can explain it for you When you pull out a chainsaw to celebrate firing thousands of people they get mad It’s just a you know my god I mean this this poor guy you do one maybe two Nazi salutes everybody gets all bent out of shape Donald Trump today had what he described as a very good phone call with President Zilinski of Ukraine All his calls are either very good or perfect at this point Zalinski this this guy’s been part of more unpleasant phone calls than Ghost Face from Scream Yesterday Trump said he had a great call with his buddy Vladimir Putin and that Putin agreed to a ceasefire on bombing Ukrainian energy facilities He said he would stop and then a few hours later Russia launched attacks on any guesses that’s right Ukrainian energy facilities The best deal maker in the world He really is Trump also revealed that he’s had multiple phone conversations with Putin not just when he had five on Valentine’s Day Very romantic And they also they watched the uh white lotus Sunday and said they wished they were together for the brother’s kissing part This whole idea of Putin just taking Ukraine it seems to have inspired Trump who now it seems like wants to do that himself Here’s my problem with Canada Canada was meant to be the 51st state Any one of our You’re tougher with Canada than you are with some of us our biggest adversaries only because it’s meant to be our 51st trade and no but listen to this for a second We need their territory They have territorial advantage We’re not going to get close to China Look I deal with every country indirectly or directly One of the nastiest countries to deal with is Canada Oh yeah Let me tell you there and you see it right now There are no nastier people than the Canadians They starting with that bastard Michael J Fox Just um listen you’d be nasty if you lived above a meth lab run by a loud stupid landlord too Okay I don’t know how we’re going to make it through four years of this Or even more perhaps if the human bag of wet garbage known as Steve Bannon has his way President Trump I’m a firm believer that President Trump uh will run and win again in 2028 So uh I’ve already endorsed President Trump We a man like this comes along once every century if we’re lucky We’ve got him now He’s on fire and uh I’m a huge supporter Want to see him again in 2028 Oh you know he’s term limited How do you think he gets another term we’re working on it That was podcast host/convicted felon Steve Bannon on his plans to defile the Constitution Once upon a time when you said stuff like that you were considered to be unamerican I hope they do it though I hope they make it so you can run for three terms I hope that happens and Obama comes back and beats his ass because But for now we just have to avoid getting tired of all the winning One thing you can say about Trump no president ever has a more blindly obsequious fan base We’re not even three months into his second term Some of these nuts are pushing to get his face added to Mount Rushmore Homeland Security Chief and puppy poacher Christine Gnome gave Trump a little sculpture of himself on Mount Mount Rushmore It’s so embarrassing Why anybody would think he belongs on a mountain with George Washington and Abraham Lincoln is beyond me but allegedly people do So to verify this we sent a team down to the heart of Trump country the Florida panhandle by the shore of the Gulf of America to ask some of his bigliest supporters if and why that head deserves to be on Mount Rushmore People are so excited about Trump They want to put him on Mount Rushmore Do you support that absolutely It’d be exciting Absolutely People have said they want Trump on Mount Rushmore Absolutely Yeah I would like to see his face on it for sure I mean he has made some changes and I feel like it’s going to be greater changes in the upcoming year so I wouldn’t mind to see it I think he should have the biggest face on Mount Rushmore Okay Do you think Trump’s head should be bigger than Lincoln uh I think whoever actually had a big head should have the bigger head and Trump had the biggest I guess Who would you replace him with if I had to pick one of them to get on me off um probably Andrew Jackson Why i mean I feel like out of the the other four he’s probably like the least well-known probably the least symbolic if that makes sense And he’s already not on there Oh he’s not no Who can you name on here i’m going to be honest that is looks nothing like Mount Rushmore Like the faces One of them is Andrew Jackson right george Washington Abraham Lincoln Teddy Roosevelt Is this the hot one yes Yes Which was the hot one alexander Hamilton When was he president uh before I was born What did Lincoln really accomplish anyway and why is he up there i have no clue to be real What do you think he actually accomplished i don’t remember too much but I do know that he did have slaves And it was I do know that he was um with like oh the abunishment of slaves and stuff So I do like that I think like him with the abunishment of slaves and stuff is good Yeah Do you think Trump would support the abunishment i don’t think he would disagree with the abunishment What state is Mount Rushmore in that’s in North Dakota Washington Wyoming Nevada Do you know where it is mount Rushmore A mountain Nice Do you know what state it’s in colorado If you put one woman on Rushmore who would it be rosa Parks Nice And why Rosa Parks um okay So I guess apparently her boyfriend had a car at the time Yeah I learned that recently But I feel like she’s still she still stood her ground So you know a lot of people are like “Oh she didn’t even have to be on the bus Her boyfriend D so that was all pointless.” But I still don’t think that was pointless I feel like there shouldn’t I feel like race doesn’t matter She She didn’t need a man you know Yeah Exactly So she still stood her point and I feel like that was very noble of her Yeah She’s pro mass transit Mhm Visit Mount Rushmore in the great state of North Dakota Washington Wyoming the mountain Nobody knows and there’s no way to tell God bless wherever we are GMO do you know how many subscribers we have on YouTube now uh 20 million That’s right Yeah that’s why we’re wearing these glasses Thanks for being a subscriber If you’re not help us get to 20 million and one [Music]
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